Without You
by vkf173
Summary: Rory makes a decision between Jess and Dean, but can she really stick to it? Literati of course CHAPTER 6 UP!! REVIEW PLEASE!!
1. Late Night Descisions

A/N Ok this takes place after the season finale of season two, Rory has not talked to Jess, but is leaving for Washington. Please give me your reviews!!!I Plus I would love it if I could get some comments on my story 'And All We Are' bc I don't know what to do with it, should I continue it? Do a sequel? I need your help guys!!  
  
Disclaimer ~ I own nothing at all to do with Gilmore Girls  
  
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Chapter One : Late Night Decisions  
  
For the last two weeks Rory had been keeping as busy as possible. She had made lists and schedules and trips to Hartford to meet with Paris. She had packed and re packed her suitcase at least a thousand times, she had helped her mom re-organize her shoes and she had come up with an entirely new categorizing system for her books. That night she had watched a Billy Jack movie, re-read the Odyssey and painted her nails twice, doing anything she could to occupy her mind so that there was no room to think about it, to think about him. She had spent two weeks doing absolutely anything to keep that day out of her mind, including avoiding him at all costs which was probably the biggest sacrifice because that meant giving up Luke's for two straight weeks and she was now experiencing coffee withdrawal, especially since Elvis (The coffee machine) had met his maker and her mother hadn't gotten around to buying a new one.  
  
Rory sighed and rolled over, her eyes fixing on the red dots above her, how her mother had managed to get nail polish on the ceiling she would never know. She shifted onto her side and glanced at the alarm clock, a quarter to midnight. She sat up suddenly and plopped her hands into her lap, looking around her room. She scanned everything, taking in the familiar images of her books, her mirror, her wardrobe, her nightstand, and then her eyes fixed on the picture of her and Dean at before the dance at Chilton last year, and she immediately felt hot water pricking at her eyes. Her hands shot up to stem the flow, but it was useless, the wanton tears wouldn't relent, and so she just let them fall onto her comforter. For over three months she had been telling herself that everything was ok, that this was just some silly crush with Jess that she would get over it that nothing could be as great as what she had with Dean. But then she thought back to that day . . . she lifted her hand up to lightly touch her lips, remembering the unbelievable kiss they had received two weeks earlier. She just didn't know anymore. Rory shook her head slowly and pressed her forehead into her raised knee, trying to figure everything out, trying to understand the plethora of emotions streaking through her mind . . . and through her heart.  
  
She looked at the photo again, at the smiles on their apprehensive faces, both nervous for the night ahead. She looked into Dean's eyes and she saw this glow and vitality to them, and then saw the mirror image of that emotion in her eyes and remembered how it felt to be with him then. She also thought back on the last few months between them, and she realized that that rush she used to get from the sound of his voice was gone, and the tingling feeling in her stomach she always used to get when she saw him had been absent for much longer then the rush. She exhaled; frustrated at the fact that she had no idea what to do or how to proceed. She knew what her heart wanted her to do, but she couldn't do that, she couldn't go to Jess, she would upset everyone. She shook her head again, and as she did something caught the corner of her eye. She turned her head completely to look at her window, it was open and the curtains were billowing softly in to humid mid-summer breeze, and suddenly, without knowing exactly what she was doing or why, she slipped out of bed and through the open window.  
  
Rory walked around town, not precisely sure where she was going, and before she knew it she found herself at the North side of the town square. She let her eyes roam over the peaceful setting and they rested on something moving in the gazebo. She could only make out his profile, but then she saw a tattered, loved copy of 'The Old Man And The Sea' protruding from his back pocket and she knew it was Jess. She shifted onto her other foot and bit her lip, fighting the urge to run all the way home and curl up in her safe bed. But she knew him, and she knew that if she left without saying goodbye things would only be harder when she returned, and seeing as she was leaving in two days now seemed as good a time as ever. So she suppressed the flutter that had made a presence in her stomach and began to walk slowly over to him. She needed to do this, it was right, she couldn't hurt her mom and this town by just disregarding their opinions, and she couldn't hurt Dean like that, this had to be done, it had to end here. 


	2. A Twist On Tryst

A/N - Chapter two, Enjoy!! And remember, Review review review!!!  
  
Disclaimer~ Still don't own anything  
  
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Chapter Two : A Twist On Tryst  
  
One of the few places in Stars Hollow where Jess Mariano could go to find peace was the gazebo; something about it just calmed him. And he couldn't go to the bridge because he didn't want to think of her, since she obviously wasn't thinking of him. She had been avoiding him for the past two weeks and he knew it, and even though he wouldn't admit it, it really did hurt him. He sat there, allowing the night air to cool his face, just staring into space, trying to think about anything but her, anything but what he was feeling. He rubbed his temples, trying to quell the thoughts running through his brain. He wouldn't allow himself to get his hopes up, one of the only good things that came from his life in the city was the knowledge he possessed telling him to never allow his anticipation to take control. He exhaled and replayed the scene between the two of them at Sookie's wedding, and then he wondered when she would make the next move, because the ball was obviously in her court, after all it was her who had kissed him.  
  
Just then he heard the steps to the gazebo creak, and his head snapped up to allow his eyes to rest on her. He looked at her slight form as she stood before him and realized she was shifting from foot to foot periodically, obviously nervous. He didn't say a word as he saw her walk over and sit down across from him; for fear that if he did speak she would hear the hope lingering in his voice. He looked at her for a few seconds, trying to read her expression and failing miserably, her features were as blank as his own,  
  
Rory sat down across from Jess and for a few seconds she held the empty look she had forced onto her face, but the pounding of her heart in her throat got the better of her and she began to chew on her lip, her brow furrowed, trying to figure out exactly how to say this to him. She allowed her hands to clasp in her lap and she stared at her whitening knuckles for a moment before speaking very softly and very slowly "I'm going to Washington D.C. for the summer." She whispered, still fixated on her hands "I'm going to Washington and when I come home it will be to Dean." After drawing a deep steadying breath she allowed herself to look up at him, and she saw exactly what she had expected.  
  
There was an expression of confused hurt painted on Jess' sharp features, and somehow he looked almost younger, vulnerable. He closed his eyes and drew his own shaky breath "Why?" was all he could force out without revealing to her that inside his heart was breaking. Rory could see the pain in his gaze as he looked at her and she couldn't hold it any longer, so she looked away and searched for words.  
  
She hadn't expected it to be this difficult. She was with Dean, she shouldn't be feeling this sadness and defeat spreading through her body, and she shouldn't be longing to forget everything her mother had said to be with him, however hard this would be, she told herself she would stay loyal to her first love, to her mother, and to the town she loved so dearly. "I don't . . . its uh, well its just. . ." she trailed off not wanting to admit to him, or herself for that matter, what she was feeling swelling deep in her heart.  
  
Jess felt a flush of anger rising in his face and before he realized it he was yelling "Just what Rory? Do you expect me to just forget it? Pretend like it never happened? Act as if there's nothing there?! I can't do that Rory, I-" He stopped himself and shook his head at her with clenched his teeth, willing himself not to let his emotions get the better of him, willing himself not to fall apart in front of her.  
  
Rory could feel her eyes filling with hot tears and she tried her hardest not to let them spill, to stay strong, to do what she thought was right, "No Jess . . . I just, I mean . . . I can't-" but she stopped short when he rose to his feet. She could see his heart pushing through his hard exterior to show in his expression, aware of the appearance of hurt on his face and the anger raising in his voice "Rory I can't just forget what happened, I, I don't want to! The only reason I came back . . . And now you're just going to run away and leave me here after what happened, after knowing how it could be? Because I know you felt it to, I know you felt that connection, you cannot deny that Rory!" His voice was wavering dangerously now and he locked his fists together trying to steady himself. But before he could regain his composure Rory was on her feet also.  
  
"So what if I felt it!" She shot back, now feeling rogue tears trickling down her face "Maybe I did, but Jess I just can't do this! I can't turn my back on everyone I love for just one person; I may have felt the sparks but what about Dean? I can't let my love for you just take over and.-" but then she stopped when her eyes rested on his face and she became aware of the stunned look on Jess' features, and she realized what she had just said. She had gotten swept up in her feelings and just let them all pour out, even ones that she hadn't even admitted to herself yet, let alone anyone else.  
  
Jess just looked at her, completely speechless; he didn't know what to think, at that moment he didn't even know if he could at all.  
  
Rory had just said she loved him.  
  
RORY had just said she LOVED him.  
  
He just stood there, breathing shallowly as he looked at her face, his eyes wandering over the features he had memorized months ago. Rory just stood there for a few minutes, captivated in his gaze, and before she knew it her feet were moving involuntarily, and within seconds she was only about a foot away from him. She looked into his eyes, still seeing the shock in them, mingling with fear, frustration, and pain, and without even realizing what she was doing, she inhaled slowly and raised her hand to be beside his cheek, and after hesitating for a moment let it gently press into his face.  
  
Instantly she saw his last barrier go down and he closed his eyes at her touch, letting his head become slightly limp in her palm. She then ran her hand down to his chest where it was joined by her other right over his heart, which she felt beating rapidly under his shirt. She let her hands run down his stomach and onto his hips where they left his body to find his hands dangling by his sides. She had taken his gaze at the second they made contact, and she never dropped it, seeing his longing reaction to her touch. She laced her fingers through his and clasped their hands together, and slowly, while still holding his eyes, she brought his hands up to her lips and kissed them gently. Then, finally breaking eye contact, she said softly "I'm going to kiss you now, then never again Jess" and she looked up when she heard him exhale sharply and sadly as he realized that she was going to just walk away from what they had, she was going to turn her back on them and not look back, and she saw his brow furrow with involuntary tears as she brought her lips closer to his.  
  
The kiss began slowly, each savoring every second because they both knew this moment would never come again. And they shared a deep, passionate kiss, which was strengthened by all of the emotion they were experiencing flowing into the embrace, and when they parted Rory pulled him close and let the tears come without restraint, and Jess held her, trying to control his own tears, feeling he needed to be strong, and to give Rory the impression that he would let go if that was what she wanted. So he leaned down and tenderly whispered into her ear "I love you to" and then he took his hands and placed them around hers, drawing her arms from their position around his neck. He brought them together and pulled them toward his lips, then kissed her hands softly, all the while holding her gaze.  
  
When Rory realized what he was doing it only made her crumble further, her tears continuing to drip onto her shirt. She watched him lift her hands to his lips and kiss them gently, and she saw the tears welling up in his eyes as he did it. She had never seen Jess cry, and it just crushed her to know that she caused that hurt. The tears came harder as she realized he was repeating the action she had taken just minutes earlier to tell her that if she wanted to go he wouldn't stop her. He was going to give her a choice, and it took every fiber of her being not to pull him close again, she instead turned slowly around and walked home. She climbed numbly through her window and her eyes fell on the picture of Dean again, and the gravity of what she had just done fully hit her, and she put her arm out against the wall to steady herself as she sunk onto her knees and just melted onto the floor in a painful pool of tears, regrets, and emotions. 


	3. Expect The Unexpected

A/n Chapter 3, enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimer~ still don't own anything GG  
  
Chapter Three : Expect The Unexpected  
  
Rory awoke the next morning and didn't even try to get out of bed. She felt like she had just been hit by a truck. Her head pounded and her eyes stung, and for some unexplained reason, every part of her body ached. It was official, Rory Gilmore was experiencing the world's worst emotional hangover. She had spilled more tears last night then she had even thought she possessed, her heart was on emotional overload and she just didn't want to face the day. She lifted her hand, which felt like it weighed eighty pounds and rubbed her eyes, trying to restore moisture to them, and felt the swelling on her eyelids. It took everything she had to shift slightly and look at the clock. It was 8:57, her mom would be up soon, and she had to get out of bed and wash her face or something, anything to rid the look that suggested anything about the events of the previous night, she didn't want to explain it all to her mom now, especially since she hadn't even told her that she had kissed Jess in the first place.  
  
Rory took one final breath and climbed wearily out of bed. She wrapped herself in her robe and walked to the bathroom where she splashed cold water on her face and applied her mom's cream under her eyes to try and make the swelling go down. Once she had done that she brushed her teeth and her hair, trying to make herself look less depressed then she felt. Once she had finished she rested her hands on the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. For some reason she frowned and looked away, she hated the person she saw, the parson who had just single-handedly ruined the best thing she had ever had before it even really started. She exhaled and dragged herself into the kitchen to try to see if there was any way to make coffee without the Elvis. After a few failed attempts and coffee powder all over her shirt Rory jest leaned back on the counter and surveyed her kitchen. How could everything in her world look the same as it always had when it was crashing down on her head? She shook her head and heard the shrill ring of the telephone. Her mom grumbled indistinctly from her bedroom so Rory went and picked it up herself. "Hello?" she asked halfheartedly. "Rory? Its Paris."  
  
"What is it Paris?"  
  
"I have some bad news  
  
"Please tell."  
  
"Well, apparently, for some reason unknown to anyone, the convention center that was supposed to host the workshop in Washington became unavailable. Unavailable!! We paid good money for those rooms and now because of some stupid UN meeting-"  
  
"Un as in The United Nations?"  
  
"Yes are you deaf? Anyway due to the fact that that we, the future leaders of America, are apparently less important then the Iraqi conflict we get kicked out. So basically our whole summer is down the drain, we planned, packed, planned some more, and all for nothing!"  
  
"Paris, what are you talking about? It is only 9 in the morning, I am tired and I can't comprehend anything you just said, it's too early, so start over and speak like you are talking to someone suffering from a sharp blow to the head resulting in brain damage."  
  
"We aren't going to Washington. There, that's it in layman's terms, now I have to go unpack and find something to do with myself for the next six weeks, bye."  
  
Rory snapped to attention at those last words, feeling her eyes widen and her mouth drop open. She stood there for a long time just listening to the dial tone, though she wasn't aware of its monotone ringing in her ears. All she could feel was a cold hand squeezing her heart. She felt her whole body tighten and her breath ceased to come. Numbly she walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it, having no idea what to do. She just sat for a few minutes, trying to digest the information that had just been thrown at her. She couldn't believe this was happening, not now, Washington was supposed to be her escape. She would be there for six weeks and she had counted on the fact that that would be sufficient time to allow the wounds to become scars, for her to forget about Jess. Now she wasn't going anywhere, for the next three months she would be stuck in the small town of Stars Hollow where bumping into him at one point or another was inevitable while Dean was in Chicago with his grandmother, because of this stupid cancellation instead of healing the wounds would have salt rubbed into them. She dropped her head into her hands and took a deep breath; she had thought last night that things couldn't possibly be any worse, god was she wrong.  
  
It was just then that Lorelai came bounding down the stairs dressed and ready to go. "Hey Hun! Ready to go spend some quality time with your dearest mommy who you are abandoning for six weeks?" She smiled, but then caught sight of her daughter's distraught face and instantly switched into maternal mode. "Sweets what's wrong?" Rory sighed as she looked at her mom, "That was Paris." She said softly "God that kid, she's a robot, can't she just let you enjoy your last few days at home in peace??" exclaimed Lorelai. "Mom the trip is off; Paris called to say that the trip has been cancelled." Rory said dejectedly "Why?" Asked her mom, obviously stunned. "Actually I'm not exactly sure; all I got out of it was the last sentence in which she informed me that my whole summer has been completely rearranged." Her mom frowned at her "Well its not like you really wanted to go to this thing anyway, now we can spend the whole summer together like always!" she exclaimed, but then when Rory's expression didn't change she continued "You still don't look ok." Rory looked at her mother, the one person who she could always trust and would always be there for her and who she told everything to, but for some reason she couldn't tell her this. So instead she forced a half smile into her face and said "I'm just tired, I stayed up late prepping last night and didn't get to bed until like two." She watched as a smile spread across Lorelai's face "Well I have just the cure for that!! C'mon babe lets go engage in some massive coffee therapy to bring you out of this funk, To Luke's! c'mon, pip pip" she said happily and jumped off of the couch to get her purse. Rory just sat there, knowing she had to go unless she wanted to raise suspicions with her mother, so she just rose off of the couch and threw on a coat. This day could not possibly get any worse. 


	4. Why Me?

A/N Hey everyone.back again!! Not much to say, hope you like the chp! Send me reviews! Pretty please! O yea and IMPORTANT~~The words in are thoughts  
  
Disclaimer ~ don't own anything, you can sue me if you want, you won't get a hell of a lot though  
  
Chapter 4 : Why Me?  
  
Jess' eyes fluttered open two days later at about 9 AM, but instead of getting up and showering like he usually did on ordinary days he just balled up under his comforter. Nothing about this day, much like the two days preceding it, would be ordinary. He tried to go back to sleep, for some reason knowing that facing the morning today wouldn't be an exactly pleasant experience and when he was asleep he didn't have to think about any of it, he could just drift into dreamland and pretend like none of it had ever happened. He had been like this ever since that night. The night that Rory had turned her back on them once and for all. At around that time Luke came bursting into his room "Jess! Jess get up! You have to work today, Cesar is off and I can't handle the Saturday rush alone! Get up!" He yelled, pulling the comforter off of Jess and throwing it on the floor. Jess mumbled incoherently and Luke responded "Look I need you today; I want you up, dressed, mussed and ready to flip some pancakes! C'mon!" Jess grumbled again and sat up; letting his legs dangle over the side of his bed. He exhaled sharply and pushed himself onto his feet. Walking into the bathroom he noticed how heavy he felt, how hard it was for him to move.  
  
  
  
He walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror; frowning at the car-wreck he saw staring back at him. His hair was disheveled and pointing in all different directions while his eyes were red and puffy and there was the distinct imprint of his pillow case seam across his face. He sighed, marveling at how easily she could take both of their hearts on a roller coaster ride and then just walk away like that. Twice for that matter. He rubbed his eyes and yawned as he picked up a comb and attempted to tame his shaggy black hair. Finally he decided he was to worn to do this kind of battle and just wet it and towel dried it to put it under control. He trudged back out into his room and threw on a black thermal and a button up with khakis and descended the stairs into his uncle's diner. At least today would be different, today would begin the healing process. He didn't have to hide in the kitchen anymore, or pretend to need to go and do something outside of the diner whenever she was there. The last two days had been excruciating. She had been in there twice and both times the scant eye contact they had shared had ripped him to pieces, just being around her was intoxicating. But now it was different. Rory Gilmore was gone, gone for six weeks. He hoped that would be enough time for him to peel his heart off of the doormat and try to repair himself in one way or another, but how? He had no idea. He rubbed his eyes, trying to conceal the traces of a few salty tears; he didn't want anyone to know anything was wrong. As far as this town was concerned Jess Mariano didn't even know how to cry, he didn't know emotion, he didn't know compassion or sincerity and love was out of the question, and he wanted it to stay that way. He wanted to huddle up behind the walls of his life and stay there forever. It had always worked before. He had only let them down once, and look where he was as a result of that. He paused at the base of the stairs and took a deep breath, ready to step into the next phase of his life without her. He blinked a few times, breathed deeply, and stepped out. And then SCREEECH, SLAM!...the pieces of his heart were strewn all over the floor again.  
  
  
  
Why me?  
  
  
  
Their eyes locked for a few seconds and Jess felt like a battering ram had been driven into his chest. He inhaled harshly and averted his eyes, feeling a hot flush creeping up into his face. He glanced up again to see her concentrating with all of her might on her mug of coffee, her knuckles white from gripping it so tightly. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing his stomach to stop flip-flopping, willing his breathing to return to normal, willing his eyes to stay dry. He stood there immobile, trying desperately to stop his world from spinning as he turned away from her and focused on the coffee machine.  
  
WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS SHE DOING HERE????  
  
She was supposed to be gone, gone, as in not here anymore! Just then he was ripped from his thoughts as Lorelai/Scarlet O'Hara called out in the voice of a southern belle "Oh Jess! We are just dying for some refreshments! And Miss Rory here needs extra seeing as she's depressed about not going to Washington!" Jess clenched his jaw and rested his weight on his arms, which were leaning on the counter.  
  
Rory isn't going.what does this mean? How am I going to survive six weeks when I see her every day? How am I supposed to forget with the coffee- addicted reminder right there in front of my face? Cruel irony.cruel, malicious, vindictive, spiteful, godforsaken irony  
  
He shook his head slightly.  
  
Then again this is my life we are talking about, I should have expected no less.  
  
and tentatively turned around to face them, carefully diverting his eyes from her as he poured her coffee and pushing a nonchalant, unmoved expression onto his face. As he did so he noticed her knuckles were whiter and he realized that this wasn't going to be easy for her either, and he almost felt sorry for her, almost wanted to say something to comfort her, but then he remembered the events of that night, and kicked himself for his thoughts.  
  
  
  
Then, as he went to fill her mother's cup she reached out for the sugar, their hands grazed softly. Well, it looked like they grazed softly, and to anyone outside of the interaction wouldn't have thought twice about it, but as they touched both felt a shiver run quickly down their spines and electricity sizzled in their fingers and they simultaneously caught their breath and their rapidly thumping hearts skipped a beat. They drew away quickly, both looking mutually stricken and trying to convince themselves that they hadn't felt it, and both blushing as they stole fleeting glances into each other's eyes. Jess, unable to take the tension any longer, then yelled out "Luke, I'm going on break!!" and rushed out the door.  
  
  
  
Rory just sat there for a moment, looking at her hand, at the spot where it had touched his. She still felt the tingles in her back and she steadied her breath as she continued to stare at the spot, almost expecting it to define itself with a mark or an outline or something. But nothing happened; all that was left to remind her of the contact were a few tingles and the look she had seen on his face when they had touched. Jess Mariano was sometimes a hard person to read, but in that instant she knew she had seen all of the emotions that he had always kept hidden to the outside world, to everyone except her. And she only remembered seeing them once before, not two days ago. Compassion, emotion, sincerity, fear, caring, and what shone through his eyes the most was pain, and she hated herself for causing it. She drew another deep, steadying breath, this was going to be harder then she thought.  
  
Why Me??? 


	5. The Stage Is Set

A/N Chapter five, enjoy!! Not a lot of interesting stuff here, that comes next chapter but you gotta read this..deal. O yea and I wanna say thanks to the reviewers especially Angel Monroe for the awesome comments!!! And everyone else out there gimme some comments!!! Without reviews you don't get next chapter!!!! Hahaha *grins evilly*  
  
Disclaimer - tired of writing it, I think you all know I don't own GG  
  
Chapter 5: The Stage Is Set  
  
"Yes.Yes mom, NO!... Mom calm- no I beg of you do not- MOM! Please, you're giving me a headache.Yes.Uh huh..Yes I swear.30 minutes tops.yea, but please. NO! I'm telling you to stay as far away from any and all sharp, heavy, or blunt objects until I get there! Yes...I know this mom..I understand.ok If you keep me on the phone any longer I won't be there in 30 minutes.No you can't.Because that falls under the 'blunt' category.then I'm making a new one, not dull objects either.I'm trying to comprehend it.Goodbye mother."  
  
Lorelai Gilmore slammed the receiver down on the table and groaned sullenly as she walked into the living room. "That was your grandmother." She moaned to her daughter who was lounging on the couch. "Yes I gathered as much." She replied "Yea well apparently your great grandmother showed up for a little impromptu visit and now mom is teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown. So it seems that, seeing as I am her daughter, I have a responsibility to come up there and try to distract Gran while mom readies the guest room, pulls those terrible gifts out of storage, calls in the National Guard, and goes for a long overdue check up with Kourvorkian. It should be great fun, truly an evening to remember. I'll tape it and sell it on eBay, make a fortune." She rambled on, punctuating her words with a few choice hand motions.  
  
Rory just shook her head and sighed "Have fun." She said half heartedly as she returned to "The Sun Also Raises," for some reason she had been reading a lot of Hemmingway lately. Lorelai just frowned at her daughter. She had been moping around the house for almost three weeks and was very near to crossing the line between homebody and hermit. "Rory are you ok?" she asked quietly. Rory looked up and forced a half smile onto her face, "Yea, fine. Why?" she asked. Lorelai shook her head a little and raised her shoulders in question "I don't know, it's just you haven't been yourself lately. You have spent the whole summer holed up in the house, barely eating and not sleeping well, I just thought maybe there was something you wanted to talk about."  
  
Rory looked at her mom skeptically, "I ate two bags of popcorn, a piece of cheesecake and half of your BBQ chicken pizza last night, and I slept until 10 this morning." She said pointedly. Her mom tilted her head and spoke again "Ahh yes, but that is not eating like you usually eat, and as comparison I slept until noon. This is summer, during summer the creed of the Gilmore household is 'Eat all you can eat, don't bother with cleaning until the Environmental Protection Agency puts you on their ten most wanted list, and do not, under any circumstances, raise before lunch is served,' and I think you have broken every rule. Talk to me Hun." Rory just shook her head again; she still couldn't bring herself to tell her mother about the events of the beginning of the summer. "I'm fine, really, go help grandma before she self combusts and takes the world down with her." She said without taking her eyes off of the text. Lorelai sighed, "Fine, just don't forget to eat. As usual we have nothing so just go to Luke's or something." She said as she opened the door.  
  
Rory listened as her mother exited and as soon as she heard the door shut she looked up. Her eyes swept the room and settled on the phone, but then flicked away. She had nobody to call. Lane was on house arrest until school started due to the fact that her mother had found her CD burner and three Ash CDs hiding under Lane's bed. Dean was still in Chicago and she really didn't feel like talking to him anyway, and Paris had gone to Mexico on a missionary project for her church. Rory knew Harvard liked a big list of extra-curriculars, but Paris was really taking this too far.  
  
She leaned back into the couch and looked down at her book, suddenly not feeling in the mood to read anymore. So she got up and went into her room to change out of the pajamas which she had been wearing for the last few days. She pulled on some sneakers and decided to take her mom's advice and go to Luke's. Rory wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing Jess, but she wasn't dreading it. Over the last few weeks both had pushed what happened to the back of their mind and were now on speaking terms. She knew he must hate her for what she had done, but any terse words had yet to escape his mouth, and she hoped that meant that after a while they could be mildly friends again.  
  
Besides, he had no reason to dwell on what they had shared as she did because lately he had had a high-heeled, gum smacking, tube topped, counterfeit blonde distraction plastered to his face whenever she had seen him. She sighed bitterly, hating the fact that she almost felt jealous of this Shane girl. She was NOT supposed to be jealous, she had made her decision, and there was no going back. She looked up and found herself outside Luke's. She looked in apprehensively, telling herself she was just looking to see if he was behind the counter, but subconsciously she was really afraid of seeing the all to familiar scene of Shane and Jess playing tonsil-tennis.  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief when all she saw was Cesar wiping down tables. She then gripped the handle and pushed the door open, greeted merrily by the tinkling bells on the door.  
  
"Jess! Jess where are you?!" Luke called out grumpily. He barged into Jess' room and found him reading ''Atlas Shrugged'' on his bed; he had been reading a lot of Ayn Rand lately.  
  
Jess looked up questioningly at the person who had caused him to lose his concentration. Luke walked over and glared down at his nephew. "I just got a call from your mother. Do you remember when my uncle died? Well apparently another distant and bitter relative has bit the dust, your great aunt twice removed Leena, and nobody wants to take care of the funeral arrangements. Leena's friend called your unwilling mother who in turn called me. So I'm going up to Vermont for a few days to bury her and give a eulogy, even though I have never met the woman, and I need you and Cesar to take care of the diner. Cesar said he can do it alone until six, but he needs you to close up and handle the dinner crowd tonight."  
  
He said and stood there for a few minutes waiting for an answer and marveling at how he always seemed to be the one to be roped into these crazy things. When he got none he decided to take silence as a 'Yes Uncle Luke' and started for the door. Just before he exited he turned around and called back "And Jess," Jess once again looked up "Please make sure I have a diner when I come back, not just the charred remains of one. I'm counting on you here, don't blow it." Jess looked down at his book again as listened as his uncle slammed the door. The clock on the wall read 5:54.  
  
  
  
Rory sat at the counter, nursing a cup of hot coffee. She started when she heard a slam upstairs and then watched as Luke stormed out of the diner, obviously pretty annoyed at something. She shot a look at Cesar who just shrugged and went back to cleaning up. She had just gotten herself a refill when she heard the stairs creak and watched as Jess ambled into the diner. "Hi." He said quietly and she returned the gesture embarrassedly.  
  
Yes they were on speaking terms, but this was usually as far as their conversations went. Rory immediately took another sip of coffee and focused on the window. It had begun to rain, storm actually, it was coming down in torrents. It was then that Cesar decided to depart, leaving the two uncomfortable teens alone in a deserted diner.  
  
Rory sat there for a few more minutes, not speaking and barely breathing. She could hear a voice shouting in her ear that it was time to leave, but something made her stay. She had been watching Jess as he attempted to fix the toaster again and suddenly he turned around and caught her gaze, which she immediately averted as she felt her cheeks get hot. Screw this, she got up and was just about to leave when thunder crashed through the sky as it was lit by a huge bolt of lightning. She jumped and caught her breath. She hated storms, even though she would never admit it, huge ones like this really scared her, and she would have to walk home in this.  
  
Jess noticed the look of apprehension on Rory's face when the thunder struck and thought to himself how cute she looked when she was scared, but immediately moved that thought from his brain and forced it to think of Shane. He looked up again and observed that Rory was still there, and he saw how she was biting her lip, obviously dreading walking home, and before he knew it sympathy and compassion were taking over and his mouth was opening slowly "You can stay here it you want, until the storm subsides, you don't have to leave."  
  
Uhg, why is it that I can never control my own words when I am around her  
  
He thought to himself as she looked at him questioningly. She was plainly nervous about staying all alone with him, but her fear of being fried by lightning was greater then that, so she turned around and slowly walked back to the counter and took her seat again as he poured her more coffee. "Thanks." She said softly and took a sip. The two of them stood there in silence for a while and Jess was just about to speak when another flash of lighting illuminated the sky, and with a flicker, the lights went out. 


	6. Third Degree

A\N~ Hey everyone, sorry for lack of updates. . . . please don't kill me!! Anyway here is chapter six, and anyone who plans to bitch about the fact that Jess is out of character, I ALREADY KNOW! But hey I tried, and how am I supposed to let everyone know how he really feels without letting him get emotional a little. ALSO the words in are thoughts (they were supposed to be italics but for some reason italics don't upload or something, anyone knowing how to fix this let me know!!!) and don't forget to review!! Oh and sorry for the extraordinary gayness of the game they play, I was suffering creative block when it came to thinking up a game.  
  
Disclaimer-getting bored of writing it, check other chapters  
  
Chapter 6: Third Degree  
  
For a few seconds neither reacted to the sudden power loss, but after the initial shock subsided Jess began to feel around the diner.  
  
Once he had successfully made his way to the fuse box in the kitchen he flipped it open and strained his eyes against the darkness. He looked for a few moments and played with the switches, trying desperately to make the lights go on. An entire night in the dark with Rory Gilmore wasn't to appealing at the moment, not with everything that had happened.  
  
I should have just let her go home!! Argh!! Jeez when did I develop a conscience??  
  
He slammed the box shut with a loud bang and gritted his teeth as he slowly moved back into the main section of the diner where he could just make out Rory's silhouette. "No use, a line must be down somewhere." He said simply and began to feel his way toward the staircase  
  
"Where are you going?" Rory asked quietly, he though he heard a hint of fear laced into her tone, could Rory Gilmore be afraid of the dark? He was surprised when he felt a small smile creep onto his face, for the last few weeks thinking of Rory had only brought frustration and pain, and for a second he forgot their situation and let his usual sarcasm slip through his lips "To get candles, we can't sit here in the dark, unless you prefer it that way Miss Gilmore." He said.  
  
Rory was a bit taken aback by the playfully suggestive sarcasm in his voice, she hadn't heard that in a long time.  
  
"Wait! Let me help, I don't want to sit here all alone . . . in the uh, in the dark." She blushed slightly, amazed that she had just admitted to him her fear of thunderstorms and her fear of darkness all in about ten minutes. Her mother didn't even know about those.  
  
Jess smirked in the dark, he didn't have to see her face to know that she was blushing, yet instead of another sardonic comment all he said was "All right." And he stood there as she made her way over to him. Once she was there he started up the stairs. They reached the top and Jess felt for the door handle and let them into the apartment. He staggered over several of the random objects strewn all over the floor of Luke's room as he felt his way to the bathroom. Luke kept a stash of candles under the sink for just such emergencies, though they had never been used before, even when the power went out. Jess was pretty certain that Luke didn't want to use them, seeing as it was Rachel who had bought them in the first place, but now? Jess was prepared to face anything Luke had to say to him in order to have light. He rummaged around for a while, located the dusty candles, made his way back to Rory, and handed them to her as he stumbled off to find matches.  
  
Once all necessary items had been obtained both of them began to make their way out of the apartment. They had almost reached the door when Rory tripped over one of Jess' stray books. Jess heard her shriek and turned around just in time to find Rory falling into his chest. They stood there for a few seconds, both shocked at the sudden contact, and both feeling that same exhilarating buzz flying through them that they had felt that day almost three weeks ago when their hands had grazed, except this time it was more.  
  
Rory had her head on his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck, and she was feeling this surge of tingling electricity enveloping her entire body. And, though she couldn't tell, Jess was feeling exactly the same way. The moment they touched Jess felt a warmth spread throughout his body that he had only ever felt three times before, and neither time had he been with Shane.  
  
Oh God Shane!!  
  
Suddenly he pulled away, though he hated letting go. And the second he did it was back to.  
  
Ugh. . . God . . . shane . . .  
  
Rory came to her senses at about the same time and she cursed herself for being so clumsy "Sorry, I uh, sorry. . . I didn't mean, I just . . . I was . . . and the book, the book was . . . sorry . . ." she rambled on as Jess slowly regained his composure. "Its ok, lets just . . . " and he trailed off as he motioned to the candles scattered all over the floor "Right . . . um, sure." Rory stammered out as she knelt down and gathered the fallen candles. "I think that's all of them." She said simply, still feeling her cheeks burning as she slowly followed him downstairs  
  
  
  
It had only taken them a few minutes to set up candles around the diner and light them. It wasn't terribly bright, but there was enough light to allow them to navigate their way around the diner without tripping over anything. Rory had resumed her usual spot at the counter and Jess had taken to washing dishes, he didn't usually do this type of manual labor, but he really didn't want to talk to her right now, he really had no idea what to say. Even if he had he still didn't know it he could, the electricity was still coursing through him, and he was having trouble connecting two thoughts let alone two words.  
  
Rory just sat there for a while, grateful for the fact that there were so many dishes to wash, it gave her time to figure out a topic for conversation, but everything that entered her head sounded stupid and childish, what had happened to her? Why did being around him reduce her usually sharp mind to jelly? She sighed, frustrated.  
  
Jess heard this and looked up from his work "Something wrong?" he asked in an almost-casual-but-still-forced-and-nervous voice as he wiped his hand on a dishtowel and made his way out of the kitchen, there were no more dishes to clean.  
  
"What?" Rory asked, caught off guard by the sudden conversation "No, it's just . . . no" she stuttered. And she focused her eyes on her hands, which were clasped together in her lap. The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence and finally Jess, who was unable to stand the deafening quiet any longer, said "So. . . what to you want to do to, um, to pass the time?" he asked awkwardly.  
  
  
  
Rory just sat there for a moment, not exactly sure what to say, but then she blurted out the first thing that entered her mind, "We could read" she said, though it was more a question then a statement.  
  
He smirked at her, "Oh yea, let me just go grab those night vision goggles I have stashed under my bed. . . " he joked . . . joked . . . it felt good to be able to joke around Rory again, but he marveled at the fact that he could, seeing as he still felt the sizzling in his stomach.  
  
Rory smiled embarrassedly as she looked around the darkened diner, candlelight would definitely not be sufficient for reading, so she tried again "We could, uh, we could play a game, a board game or something." she trailed off.  
  
Again her comment was met with a smirk, and Jess laughed a little . . . laughed . . . something good was happening here, he had smirked, laughed, and joked around Rory, all in the last five minutes.  
  
"I do not think that Luke Danes has ever or ever will own a board game in the whole of his existence." Rory smiled also, knowing that this was probably true; Luke wasn't exactly the 'Monopoly' type.  
  
"Well it doesn't have to be a board game." She said "And what other type of game did you have in mind?" Jess asked a little sarcastically. "I don't know, we could play 20 questions? No? Ok um, how about that game when you name a country and then the other person has to. . ." Jess just gave her another skeptical look, she glared at him "Ok I give up, you pick a game." She stated simply and Jess just laughed again.  
  
"You want me to pick? I'm not sure that's such a good idea seeing as I don't know any games in which you don't need dice, or cards, or a slot machine . . ." She just rolled her eyes and sighed exaggeratedly as his sarcasm again rang true. She wasn't sure what it was about this night that had put them back to real speaking terms, where they could laugh and be exceedingly but comfortably sarcastic, but she wasn't complaining. "Alright we could play Third Degree?" she said  
  
"We could play what?" he asked, having never before heard of this game.  
  
"Third Degree, Lane and I made it up a while ago, we were like twelve and it's a little corny, but anyway, what you do is you sit down with a person and ask them questions, like 'what's your best childhood memory?, or what's your greatest fear?' stuff like that." She said smiling.  
  
"And the point of this game is?" Jess asked. "I don't know actually, I don't think there was a point, Lane and I just thought it up one night when we were to lazy to go find the music version of Trivial Pursuit that Lane has hidden under her floor. But hey, you don't want to play this? We could always resort to Cats Cradle, or hand puppets, hey I could give you a makeover . . ." She teased and Jess held up his hands "Third Degree it is." And he pulled a stool around the other side of the counter so he could sit across from her.  
  
~~~~~~~~*&*~~~~~~~~  
  
Rory laughed a little as she felt her face redden. She looked down at her hands before whispering, almost inaudibly, "Dean" Jess stared at her in disbelief then struggled to subdue laughter.  
  
"Dean? As in Dean your boyfriend of the moment? He was your first kiss?" He asked, still attempting in vain to control his snickering.  
  
Rory looked up "Oh shut up, I was in Doose's about a year and a half ago and we were standing near baking accessories and he leaned in and kissed me. I panicked and said 'Thank you' of all things, and then I ran out of the store and shoplifted as box of cornstarch. There you have it" she said, beginning to laugh at the insane look on Jess' face. He was trying really hard to not laugh hysterically at her and his face was turning red in the process. She sighed exaggeratedly, "Fine, fine! Mock all you want. What about you? What was your first kiss?" she asked.  
  
  
  
Suddenly he burst out in laughter and she shot him a glare. "No, no I'm not laughing at you, I'm just laughing at the memory of my first kiss, it was extremely awkward and one of those moments when you wonder if you're on candid camera or something." He said through chuckles.  
  
"Go on." Rory prompted, she really wanted to hear this one. She was also really enjoying herself. If you had told her earlier that day that she would be trapped inside Luke's in a storm playing some stupid game her and Lane had thought up and then deemed to lame to actually play themselves, and on top of it playing it with Jess and actually having fun, and laughing and bantering with him like old times? She would have just passed you off for mentally disturbed. But now? This night had been great, everything seemed normal between them. She had told him more about her past and her life through this game then even Lane knew, let alone Dean, and she had no reservations about doing it, she felt like she could tell Jess anything and everything, a feeling Dean had never presented her with. And she could tell Jess was opening up to her, revealing things about himself that nobody else on the planet knew, something he rarely did, even around her. Just blame this sudden 180 in their attitudes toward each other it on the situation, but hey, neither were complaining.  
  
  
  
Jess drew a deep breath to steady himself and then continued "Well I was eleven and it was during the first month of sixth grade. I was standing in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by my friends, a few teachers, and the Dean of students, and my girlfriend Skyler marched up to me and announced that her and her friends had a bet going as to whose boyfriend was the best kisser. She said that since she hadn't kissed me yet she would have to now, and she pulled me in by the collar and injected about a liter of saliva into my mouth. I was so stunned I didn't know what to do, and with everyone watching? I nearly wet my pants from embarrassment.it was terrible AND I didn't even win the bet." He finished. By this time Rory wasn't even trying to control her giggles, and it took her a few minutes to regain her composure.  
  
  
  
Once she did she had to think for a minute and then came up with a question for him, "Ok, so what is the best craziest thing you have ever done?" She asked between steadying breaths and a few subsiding giggles. Suddenly Jess became a little serious, the crazy smile dropped from his face and he looked at her and said slowly "I would have to say that the best craziest thing I did was going to this crazy group seizure passed off as town festival and bidding on the basket of this girl I liked, and in doing so risking death and dismemberment by way of her protective cave man- esque boyfriend, all so we could spend the afternoon together, and you know what? It turned out to be a pretty great afternoon." He said and let a small smirk play across his lips as Rory's cheeks flushed slightly at the compliment.  
  
  
  
Before she could say anything in response he returned the question "So what about you? What was the best craziest thing you have ever done?" he asked. Rory smiled, she didn't even need time to think about this one, "That's a no-brainer. The best craziest thing I have ever done was skipping school to go see this guy in New York City. I told him it was because he hadn't said goodbye, but really it was because I kind of liked him.And it was a great trip." She finished, strategically leaving out the part about her missing her mother's graduation because of her impromptu visit.  
  
  
  
Jess grinned again and took a moment to think up another question, he could tell that they were going to get into deeper topics eventually, seeing as they had exhausted all of the frivolous questions, so he decided to kick it off himself  
  
"What is your greatest fear in life Rory?" he asked. Rory thought a moment and then replied simply "That someone would happen to the people I love." He smiled at her answer, she was so sweet, so pure, and that was what he liked about her. So before she could ask him a question he followed his own up "And what about at this moment, what is your greatest fear at this moment?" He asked quickly. Rory smirked at him,  
  
"Three questions in a row? That's against the rules Mr. Mariano, I mean two is bending the rules, but I let it slide, but I think I'm gonna have to call you on this one." She said laughingly  
  
"You did the same thing before"  
  
"Yes but I made up the game, I have the authority to change the rules whenever I feel like it. But you? By asking those three questions you risk expulsion from said game"  
  
"I live on the edge."  
  
Rory smiled slightly "This I know." She sighed and looked at him before she answered, wondering if she should say it. They had just reconnected, and she didn't want to ruin everything just now. But for some reason she felt like she had to let him know, like she owed it to him to tell him, so she did. "My greatest fear at the moment is that I have turned my back on something that could have been really spectacular." She whispered, and after a few seconds of staring at her hands she looked up at him, and saw a surprised look on his face.  
  
  
  
He hadn't expected her to be so blunt, hell he hadn't even expected her answer to have anything to do with him, but it was kind of soothing to know that she might regret her decision. They sat there in silence for a few awkward minutes as Rory thought out and voiced her next question. "Alright, I have one for you Jess. If there were one moment that you could erase from your life what would it be?" She asked spiritedly, trying to raise the enthusiasm in the room back to its previous level. But Jess remained solemn as he thought out his answer. He wasn't sure how she would take this, but since they were being painfully honest tonight he decided to say it. What did he have to lose?  
  
  
  
He took a deep breath and looked directly into her eyes. "That would have to be the moment my mom decided to ship me off to Stars Hollow." He stated, and watched the stunned reaction formulate on Rory's face as he let it sink in. After a few seconds he continued "If I had never come here I wouldn't have stolen a gnome or been pushed in a lake or staged a phony murder scene or turned an entire town against me. I would have never met you. I would have never borrowed your book; I would never have jumped into that sleigh, or bought your basket. I would never have befriended you. I would never have stolen your bracelet just because I wanted to have something that was yours. I wouldn't have had to watch you with Dean. I wouldn't have switched 'Bambi' for 'Blonde Babes' at the video store. I would have never brought you that care package or wrecked your car broken your wrist. And most importantly I would never have had to watch your back as you walked away from me. Twice." He faltered as he said the last part and noticed the stricken, hurt, and confused look on Rory's face. He could tell he had cut her deeply by saying that he wished he had never known her, but then he saw her expression soften with his voice as he made his final statement  
  
  
  
"I wish we were strangers again, and everything was as it was before the day I lost you." This time he focused on the countertop for a little while longer before looking at Rory, and as soon as he did he saw comprehension dawning on her face, and her heard her voice crack a little as she said "Ari Hest." and he nodded slowly.  
  
Rory sat there for a second after he had confirmed the name of the speaker of that quote. And for a second she sat there hating herself. She hated herself for causing the pain she saw in his eyes the moment he had looked at her, she hated herself for being so god damn loyal to Dean when she knew that she would much rather be with Jess, she hated herself for not admitting it sooner.  
  
Ugh, GODDAM him for ALWAYS saying the right thing at the right time. Its like some godforsaken talent  
  
Her thoughts were then broken by Jess' voice "What was the hardest thing you ever had to do in the past year?" Rory had completely forgotten they were still playing that stupid game in lieu of his last statement, but she knew the answer right away, it was her turn to be honest, and she was surprised at how easily the words came out of her mouth.  
  
"Walking away." She said plainly, she didn't even need to finish the sentence for him to understand what she was talking about, and he nodded slowly as they both tried to hide the fact that they felt unwelcome but overdue tears bubbling up inside of them, Jess with a little more finesse then Rory, after all he had had experience in hiding his emotions. "And in your whole life?" he followed up. She exhaled sadly as she once again brought her eyes to his "Walking away" she repeated and she watched through slightly blurred vision as he clenched his teeth to keep his tears from showing in his eyes.  
  
Get a grip Mariano, your losing it. No girl has ever made you cry before . . . well no other girl . . . Ugh, GODDAM her for being able to do this to me.  
  
Jess couldn't take this. This was supposed to be a stupid game, how in God's name had it turned to this? And why was it that he felt like crying? No other girl had ever had this effect on him before, not one. All of the walls that he had worked so hard to build and reinforce came down by themselves when he was with her, and he hated feeling so vulnerable. But at the same time she made him feel safe, comforted in the fact that she would never hurt him. Which was obviously crazy because she had many times, but now? Now that comfort that's had been absent for a while was coming back, stronger then ever, and he couldn't explain why, so he just at there silently.  
  
Rory sensed that this game was drawing to an end by the expression on Jess' face, so she decided to make her last question worth while, "Jess" she said softly as she tried unsuccessfully to wipe the tears from her eyes without him noticing "If there were one thing you could change about the last month, what would it be?" She watched him as he did a very un-Jess like thing and stared at his shifting feet. He was normally Mr. Assertive and Self-Confident, but right now he looked kind of tense and a little uneasy, but at the same time she thought she saw tentative openness about him, it was all extremely bizarre; this entire night had been extremely bizarre.  
  
Suddenly his head rose to stare at her, and she started a little from the sudden movement in him, but immediately refocused when she saw the trail left by a single tear on his cheek. She had never seen Jess cry before, except for that once; and before that night she didn't even know that he could cry, or rather if he would. He had established himself in this town as being tough, rebellious, and unflinching and this lone tear had completely defied all of those qualities, and it somehow made Rory nervous. Something big must be coming to make Jess cry, that's what had happened last time anyway.  
  
She sat there not breathing, just watching as he opened his mouth a few times to start but second guessed himself. Then, without notice, his face set and he locked his eyes into hers, took a long breath, and spoke.  
  
Jess heard the question as if in slow motion, but as soon as it was out his brain began to process possible answers. Sure he wanted to tell her the truth, but he didn't know if he could. He had been through more hurt and pain over her in the past month and a half then ever before in his life and he wasn't sure if he wanted to open himself to her again. He knew he wanted to be with her, there was no doubt in his mind about that, but what if she still remained loyal to him? What if she still wouldn't risk hurting Dean? Or worse . . . what if she's gotten over me? Then he would have to be around her all every day knowing that he had once more let himself be thrown into quicksand by her. He could feel that if he told her she would probably believe and understand it, and maybe it could change things, but by saying the words he wanted to say he was putting himself in front of the firing squad, again, for the third time. And past experiences were telling him not to do it, not to let her in again, not to let his heart be shattered once more.  
  
Suddenly he became aware of a hot streak running down his face, and he realized he was crying. He was about to reach up and wipe it away but instead he just let it fall, and as it plummeted to the ground so did all of his fears, all of his restraint, and all of his doubts as he let himself realize how deeply he cared, and that this foreign feeling of love was breaking through his tough exterior. He almost wanted to smile, Rory Gilmore had changed him, a girl had had an effect on him, it was so crazy and unlike him, but somehow it fit. So with his newfound freedom he looked at her and began to speak softly.  
  
  
  
"I think I would take us back to that night." He said delicately, seeing Rory look unmoved, she had expected something about that, it was why she asked the question. But he knew she hadn't anticipated what he was about to say to her, and after a moment of silence he continued  
  
"And after experiencing what I have over the past few weeks, and knowing what I now know, I would change what I said to you. I would tell you that I . . . that I loved you." Even in his freedom he still had problems letting the words come out.  
  
Now he saw confusion on her face "But . . . I mean, you did." She said with quiet apprehension and he smiled a little before he went on  
  
"Yea I know I said the words but then I didn't exactly mean it. I said it to comfort you, to let you know that I cared, and I did Rory, its just then I didn't THINK I cared like you did." He paused again as the shocked look made a second appearance on Rory's face and then continued, a bit awkwardly. He had never had to say anything like this before, he had never even expressed himself like this before, and with the fact that this was totally out of character for him came the inexperience that made him extremely nervous and uncomfortable.  
  
  
  
"I don't think I really knew how to um, you know to love. I mean it's never been there before. I didn't know what it felt like to love someone, so I didn't know that what I was feeling with you really was love, and not like. So that night I didn't think that I cared as deeply as I actually did, so that is why I just let you leave without a fight, because even though I loved you I didn't know it, and I didn't want to hold you back from what you thought was right. So I watched you walk away and I went home and for the first time in my life I um, I . . . cried, like really cried. I knew the next morning, when I saw you in the diner, how stupid I had been for letting you go like that. Yet it still hadn't dawned on me, the fact that I love you that is . . . Then over the past three weeks, when I have barely talked to you, the irrevocability of our situation made me know what it was to hurt. And then tonight . . . and just now . . . I guess for me, being without you has made me realize that I did love you, and I have all along. So if I were back on that night, I would tell you I loved you, and this time not let go." Jess stopped, knowing he had more to say but also knowing he couldn't. He also didn't want to continue rambling; the only thing that told him that she had actually understood his insanely garbled ramble was the shocked but regretful and pained expression he saw on Rory's face. So for the next few minutes both sat there in an astonished silence. Jess at the speech he had just made and at the things about himself that he had just revealed to her, and Rory as she realized what she had done. 


	7. Finally

A/N ~ **Tears up** the final chapter . . . Its been great, hope you like it and thanks, as always, to my reviewers, I love you guys!!! You made writing this story worth it!! Anyway, here It is, chapter seven.  
  
Disclaimer ~ I don't own anything, the song is called 'She Will Be Loved' by Maroon5  
  
Shameless Plug ~ Read my other stories!!, especially 'Could It Be Any Harder?' it's a literati, as are all of my fics, I love reviews!! Ok plug over, read on  
  
Chapter 7: Finally  
  
Suddenly thunder crashed loudly all around them and with a jolt Rory awoke from her trance-like state. She had been sitting on that cold barstool in complete silence for the last thirty seconds, just trying to comprehend everything that had just happened. She could feel her hands shaking and she clasped them together to try and steady them as she drew a deep, slow breath. There were really no words to describe the regret that she was feeling, and springing from that regret were longing, sadness, and . . . was it love? Did she still love him? Had she never really stopped? She let her brain swallow the idea that she was still in love with Jess, and to be honest she really liked it. It was then that she looked up at him and caught his intense gaze, and she felt herself float away in it.  
  
Everything was clear then, all the veils fell away and all she saw was honesty and affection in his eyes, as well as vulnerability. The same she had seen three weeks ago, only this time she wouldn't let it's presence be in vain. She stepped to her feet in cautious resolve and looked at a startled Jess as she nervously clenched and unclenched her fists.  
  
She walked slowly and tentatively around the counter, all the while holding onto his gaze and feeling a warm strength sweeping through her body. She reached him and put out her hand to grasp his, squeezed it lightly, and led him out of the safe, secure diner and into the fierce wind and stinging rain which was falling mercilessly outside. He didn't even protest, he just followed her at a run in submissive but perplexed silence until they reached the steps of the gazebo.  
  
  
  
Beauty queen of only 18  
  
She had some trouble with herself  
  
He was always there to help her  
  
She always belonged to someone else  
  
  
  
As soon as they were under the safety of the gazebo roof Rory slowed down and then paused with her back to him, and as she slowly turned to face him she for the first time voluntarily let all of her concerns fall away with her feeling of obligation toward Dean and her mother. She wasn't going to let them hold her back any longer, this was her life and she wanted to be happy.  
  
She was now facing him, she was but a foot away from him and she could feel the electricity rising again from just his proximity. Now that there had been a confession of lingering feelings they didn't need to be in contact to feel the power surge of each other's presence. She then looked into his eyes and said very purposefully "I'm going to Washington D.C for the summer." She paused and then continued, slowly losing her composure to his eyes, feeling the now familiar tears pushing through to mix with the rain sliding down her pink cheeks.  
  
"I'm going to Washington and when I come back it will be to Dean." She weakened as she saw the look of comprehension and hurt and vulnerability resurface on his face from the rush of aching memories she had brought back by transporting them once again to that night. She could almost feel the nerves coursing through him by the look on his face. If he was going to stop her, if he was going to change it, now was his last chance, and he knew it.  
  
  
  
I drove for miles and miles  
  
And wound up at your door  
  
I've had you so many times  
  
But somehow I want more  
  
  
  
Jess just stood there, captivated in her eyes, and he heard her words ring through his head. And at the moment he was having difficulty understanding everything going on inside of him, all of the memories and emotions swirling about confused him to the point of no description.  
  
First it was a surge of elation because he knew by the look of quiet conviction in her eyes that she was going to give him another chance, she was going to leave behind everything her mother wanted, she was going to forget Dean, and she was going to throw caution to the winds as she finally let her heart take control of her mind instead of the other way around, all for him, for them.  
  
Then it was the realization of what he had to do. He knew he felt it, but this was the first time he would ever have to say it with meaning to anybody. Anybody. At first it scared him, the hugeness of what he was about to do, but one look into her eyes gave him the self-assurance.  
  
He could do this.  
  
This was it, this was Jess at his realest, a person that even he wasn't familiar with, and it scared him because he knew that as he was right now that even a pinprick could cut him deeply.  
  
He stood there a moment not saying anything and hating this feeling of defenselessness and complete exposure, but then Rory raised her hand to his face, and let her palm support him as he completely surrendered to it. He felt all of the anxiety, restraint, and hesitation that had routinely rebuilt itself since the moment the first tear dropped to the floor, fall away and forever be forgotten. He felt himself draw a choppy breath and his face furrowed as he tried to fight oncoming tears. He finally looked at her, and he felt a part of him fall away as he took her hands and placed his palms against hers before intertwining their fingers and clasping her hands tightly, letting himself draw strength from her.  
  
Quietly and shakily he said "Don't go." Rory remained silent as he drew another preparing breath and whispered in the most sincere, emotional, heartfelt voice "Rory I love you"  
  
  
  
Tap on my window  
  
Knock on my door  
  
I want to make you feel beautiful  
  
I know I tend to get so insecure  
  
It doesn't matter anymore  
  
My heart if full and my doors always open  
  
You come anytime you want  
  
  
  
That was it, it was all she needed to hear, and it was all she had ever needed to hear. Rory stood there for a few moments, mesmerized by him. He was so complex, but right now so simple. Standing before her was a boy, telling her he loved her, and by the feeling in his grasp and the expression on his face she knew it was genuine. She felt tears go falling down her cheeks, tears that for the first time in months had come from pure joy and surreal bliss. "I love you to" she said through happy sobs before he bent his head down and pressed his lips gently into hers. Passionately tender. It was the perfect kiss. The perfect moment.  
  
  
  
I know where you hide alone in your car  
  
I know all of the things that make you who you are  
  
I know that goodbye means nothing at all  
  
Cause it makes me catch her every time she falls  
  
  
  
They reluctantly pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together. Neither speaking, neither moving, both crying. Jess was once again surprised by himself, he marveled at how easily tears came. This was not him . . . but maybe now it was . . . Rory Gilmore had changed him . . . And he didn't mind at all.  
  
He stood there in silent awe of what he had become, and of how right it felt to hold her in his arms. Rory just cried in delight, she smiled through salty tears as she realized what love was.  
  
It was dangerous and passionate, but the security she felt in his embrace made it perfect.  
  
When they finally looked at each other Jess felt a grin spread across his face as Rory reached up and wiped lingering tear streaks from his cheeks, her hand cupped his cheek for the third time in the past few weeks and this time he kissed her palm before she drew her hand away and placed it once again in his. They stood there silently for a long time just basking in their aura and enjoying the moment before they both sat down on the bench and stayed there for a while, silently watching the rain. Rory's head positioned on Jess' shoulder, and his arm draped protectively around her. He wasn't ever letting go again.  
  
It was nearly thirty minutes before Jess stopped stroking her hair to look down at her, her head nestled on his shoulder. He shifted a bit and, upon noticing the sublime and delicate expressions of sleep on her face, closed his own eyes and was able to really sleep for the first time in months. The last of the harsh rains softened and sprinkled down around them, finally stopping all together.  
  
  
  
I don't mind spending every day  
  
Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
  
Ask her if she wants to stay a while  
  
  
  
Rory awoke the next morning still wrapped in Jess' arms. She remained motionless for a few seconds, just enjoying his smell and the rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest. She then shifted to gaze up at him and saw that he was awake. They shared smiles as she sat up and he took her hands with a light squeeze.  
  
Not a word was needed for them both to understand that they were together, no matter what anyone thought of them, they were together. They just stood up silently and walked toward Luke's, surrounded by their own atmosphere; hand in hand, separate but entwined hearts.  
  
  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
  
  
It was crowded at Luke's that morning when Lorelai walked in, but she was going to let nothing get in the way of her coffee consumption. She had just returned from Hartford, where she had spent a painfully long night with her mother and the first Lorelai when the storm had hit. She collapsed onto a stool at the far end of the counter and cried out desperately "Coffee!!" and in seconds Luke was before her pouring the elixir of life into a huge mug for her.  
  
She nursed it for a few seconds as Luke rushed off to attend other customers and then took a huge gulp and called out for a refill. "You do know that you are slowly killing yourself every day" Luke said dryly and Lorelai smiled with flirtatious content.  
  
Just then the bells above the door tinkled. Lorelai didn't take much notice of it until she realized that a hush had fallen over the diner and caught the shocked look on Luke's face. She then turned around to see her daughter standing in the doorway with Jess. She was beaming blissfully and Jess had a small smile playing about his sharp features. Their hands were clasped together and they were projecting a feeling of radiant happiness such that Lorelai, along with everyone else in the diner, didn't have to ask to know.  
  
Rory and Jess were together.  
  
Lorelai turned back to Luke and took another sip of coffee hearing cell phones that most likely belonged to Miss Patty or one of her recruits being flipped open and numbers punched rapidly in. She finally let a small smile creep onto her face as she looked at Luke, sure she didn't like Jess, but Rory had at last let her heart command her mind, a big step for her. Her smile was now full and bright as Luke looked down at her, "Finally." She said and went back to her coffee, waiting patiently for details. 


End file.
